grab the yoke from the pilot and fly the whole mess into the sea

the votes have been cast, the panel has been ruminating behind closed doors. months of hard work, extra hours after school, meticulous notemaking and detailed tome reading are over.

sadly the royal college of physicians have given me a nice big fuck you with another failed exam.

it would have been nice for a lift. it would have been nice for a bit of achievement to end the year with. but no.

i'm not entirely sure what to do now. i've always been one of those people that has to study hard for results (there's not a lot natural about me) and when i haven't it always shows. this time was different because i worked my little cotton socks off. it's difficult to know how to improve on that.

maybe this is the wall! medical gandalf standing in my way bellowing "you shall not pass."

i have had lots of kind words from friends and colleagues - it's quite funny in that the response is almost like that to a bereavement.

anyways.

as i remind the friends who i am worried feel i might go and top myself, i bought a REALLY big christmas tree (far too big for my flat) and decorated it yesterday with not one, not two but three sets of fairy lights. and i did score three strikes bowling on thursday night. i am good at a few things.

i'm sure a weekend of nights will make things look better.
[i am listening to Regina Spektor again]